Bring me back to the past.

Seriously I'm sick of this thing. I hate changing myself all over again. I thought It will be something good, or to make me a whole new better person. It just made things worse! This is not the real me. All of this new things happening are FAAAAAAAAKE. What the heck just happened? I was a normal teenager back when, too fucking normal! I'm fucking mad at myself right now. Everything went back all over again just like it is on my first day of high school. Just because of one fugly schedule and one fugly school choice (It's not the school whos fugly but in my situation it is). I live like 30 min. away from it, and have to go through express just to get there. Because of my fugly iregular schedule and my getting-back-my-innocence attitude everything went downhill. I've become Fake. Not like the total bitchy fake one, but the too much disney fake one.

What the eff?? Why didn't I listen to myself back when? Why do I have to change?? Seriously. You know the reason? Because I prefer to change myself because no one can really handle me at my worst. This is just too fuckin psych. I hate what is happening right now.

I want to go back the way it was before. =((

Te'Amo

She said that she
wanted to get high.
He took her to the
tallest hill in town.
She said that she
wanted to stay up
all night and drink.
He gave her a 12
pack of caffeinated
Pepsi and said
“drink up.” She said
that she wanted
to shoot herself in
the face. He gave
her a water gun, put
her finger on the
trigger, aimed it at
her face, and helped
her pull the trigger.
She said that she
wanted to cut herself.
He took a Polaroid
of her, handed it to her
along with scissors,
and had her cut it up.
said that she
wanted to see her blood.
He took her to get
her ears pierced. She
said that she wanted
to cry herself to sleep.
He had her watch a
sad, romantic movie
before bed. She said
that she wanted to be
alone. He gave her a
name tag that said
“My name is: Alone.”
She said that she
wanted to have someone
there to take care of her,
always.
He asked when he wasn’t.

Closet Problem.

Everytime I go inside my room, I always get annoyed by the fact that my room is a complete fuckin' mess! Seriously speaking!


It really is annoying especially whenever I try to find my fave shoe or my bag. I have to open every box or take off every bags just to see where it is.
I don't mind it at all if the shoes & bags were beautiful at all but NOOO. It was all gurly stuffs and too High School preppy drama. I'm in a need to change and re-arrange things up. And about my clothes, what about it? It's all a fuckin' mess. Same as my shoes & bags. I have toooo many clothes that I barely wear, and I have some that I never wore at all. because a.) It won't fit anymore. b.) It's too preppy for me, I definitely had NO style at all back when. c.) It won't match into anything I wear. =(
It's really sad. I'm planning to sell my clothes somewhere. I don't want to throw them away to the garbage just like that. I need to replace them so I'll have money for a whole new closet & take all the fugly clothes away. =(

Seriously. =((
I need this stuffs for a change (list)
1. Black skinny jeans
2. Wedge & Heels
3. High waist skirts
4. Stockings
5. Lingerie
6. Layered chains
7. Dark bangles-stacked
8. For smokey eyes and red lips

8 things that I just need and I'm ready for my daily life!
Ugh.

I felt like destroying something beautiful.

(Get ready! Because this will be something so cheesy, but It just keeps on bugging me so I'll just tell it here.)

Back when I felt like I found my first & true love. I kept on telling myself that It was love. I've been that person whose always ahead of everything & felt like anything that there is should be done whether I like it or not. It's one of my sickness that can never be cure, well, for now. I've always felt like I was in a need to grow up fast & so when I was younger I tried to do all the things grown up stuffs do. I go drink, smoke, club, sneak out, break school rules & go home early in the morning. Typical rebellious teenager whose trying to do everything to have fun. But is it bad to say that the baddest thing I've done is to fall in love? It wasn't bad to others but for me it was. I considered myself as the independent one who doesn't need anyone to protect her or to give her affection at all. But then I realize, I was never in love. I tried to fool myself that I was, as I said I did everything just to grow up fast, including to love. I forced myself into something that wasn't right at all. I pushed myself to LOVE, to LUST, to BITTERNESS & HURT. I don't know how but I faked it all up just to feel what others felt above LOVE, curiosity came along and fuck everything up.
Just when I thought I was in love and new everything & anything to know in love, you came along and showed me what love what really is about.
Maybe someday I'll marry you, or maybe someday you'll be just one of my friends, but one things for sure is that I will never forget you.
If we didn't make it till the end just remember you'll always have a place in my heart, because you we're the first one who showed me what LIFE & LOVE was really about.

And remember, You were my FIRST & TRUE LOVE. (: