Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko sa sarili ko talaga.

Pakamatay nalang kaya ako? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahah.

Tutal para naman akong pinapatay na ng unti unti ngaun. Tangina naman buhay. Tangina talaga. Wala ligtas e. Kahit san lumugar masasaktan at masasaktan.

Sana..

Sana... Sana hindi ko nalang sinimulan dati pa. Simula palang.

Simula umpisa palang. Sana hindi nalang ako nag online dati. Sana hindi nalang ako umuwi non o kaya sana natulog nalang ako non. Sana hindi ko nalang nawala English notebook ko non para hindi na ako nagtanong. Sana pagkahingi ko non hindi ko na inisipan ng iba pa yun. Sana nung hiningi ko un hindi ko na sinave lahat ng convos. Sana hindi ko na pinaabot ng umaga. Sana hindi nalang ako nakipag close. Sana hindi nalang ako nahulog.

Di sana hindi ako nagkakaganito. Di sana hindi ako umiiyak. Di sana hindi ako namomroblema kung pano ko haharapin ang bukas ng maayos ako, na hindi ako malungkot. Na hindi nila alam tuwing gabi namomroblema ako pano matutulog ng hindi ko kelangan mag isip ng pwedeng mangyari. Na hindi ko na kelangan umiyak bago matulog. Di sana hindi ako namromroblema sa iisipin ng tao sakin. Di sana wala ako dito ngayon, nasa ibang lugar ako kasama mga naging kaibigan ko dati nung High School, Di sana maayos pa ako, Di sana namromroblema lang ako na hindi ako tiningnan ng crush ko ngayong araw na to, Di sana wala akong kinikimkim lagi, Di sana hindi ako sobrang nasasaktan, Di sana hindi ako naghahanap ng affection galing sa ibang tao, Di sana hindi ko kinakailangan ng tulong ng ibang tao, Di sana hindi ako takot sa lahat ng bagay na pwedeng mangyari, Di sana masayahin parin ako.

Ang sakit. Sobra sobra. Bumabalik lahat yung feeling nung unang heartbreak ko. Ansakit sobra. DOBLE. Bawat maliit na pagbabago sumasakit na parang unang heartbreak ko talaga. Siguro nasanay alng ako makita yung good side mo. Nakakainis yung feeling na yun lang pinakita mo. Naninibago tuloy ako. Pero wala eh.

Hindi ko na alam sunod nito. Pasensya na sa makakabasa nito. Hindi ko naman talaga ginustong hindi ko sya makilala kasi lesson narin siguro pala yun. Hehe. Mejjj mahinahon na ako kaya alam ko na sinasabi ko. Ansakit lang talaga lahat. Natatakot na ako harapin kung anu man sunod na mangyari, o makita ko. Kumbaga sa tulog ko na sleep paralysis, Natatakot ako harapin ulit pagtulog ko pero kelangan ko. Ajuajjuajuajaajuajauujujujujujujuju

Ansaket hooooooooooooooooooo..

Hi

Ineexpect ko sa mga ganitong sitwasyon dapat kelangan kong masaktan. Kasi ganon naman dapat ang kailangan kong maramdaman, pero hindi. Tanging nararamdaman ko lang ngayon ay pag-iisa at katahimikan. Pero hindi ako nasasaktan. Mali ba?

Andaming pumapasok sa isip ko, andami kong gustong sabihin pero wala ako masulat pag nasa harap ko na.

I'm really back.

Hi I'm Era. I may come off as quiet, shy, awkward, really awkward. If you're my friend then you're lucky enough to see who I really am. I choose my friends. Yes, I really do. Many things had happened. It's not the same anymore. But I'm here for a change. =)

I'm gonna find you someday.

Dear Future Boyfriend,


I'm gonna find you someday, somewhere. When I'm not searching, when I'm not looking, when I'm not trying, that's when I'll find you. Love comes and I'll wait. I don't want to rush things out just for me to move on. That's just dumb. I may not look at love the way I did before, I may not be as easy to fall like I was before, I may not be open at first like I was before, I may not trust like I trust him before. But I'm very welcome for you to change that. Little by little does the trick. Because I believe that If you can't handle my worse. Then you don't deserve me at my best. And once I find you, the one who could handle me both side. I'll never let you go. I'll never repeat the same mistakes that I did before. I'm sorry that you weren't my first everything but I promise you that you'd be my last and my forever everything.
I've got so much love in my heart, it's just that I'm scared. I had a hole in my heart for too long, I've been played for too long, I've been down for too long. My heart has been broken so much, but he fixed it with a glue gun, and everything else turned fine but even though it's fixed once more, it's easily torn. That just proves that I don't need a boy with a glue, I need a boy who's going to give me a new heart, and a fresh start.

I may not see you today, tomorrow, next month, next year, next 5 years. But I'm gonna find you someday when I least expect it.

Love,
Era "Your future everything"

I'm back.

Well I'm not gonna stay for long. :|
I just need a place to get this shit out. You know the feeling where you just knew something that made you mad. Like, if your friend just talk back at you or you're boyfriend just cheated on you. You know the feeling when someone else is telling you the situation. It feels like "No.. No.. No.. I don't want to hear it.. Fucking shit! Stop you douchebag! I'm sinking to death.. No!! Ok go on.. Motherfuck.. No way. No!! Continue bitch!" You know when you feel like you don't want to hear it but you have to. It's like continuing to torture yourself but you try to stop but you still continue all over again. Just to not look stupid anymore. That happened to me once. Or twice. Can't remember. And I don't want that feeling to happen again. :| It just makes me freak out even more. I have a bad disposition and I don't want it to get worse. So FUCK OFF If you are one of those people who'll bring problems in my life.

OLD POST (3RD YEAR HIGH SCHOOL) Ew, I'm weird.

THE TRUTH

The reason i'm always absent in school is that;

i'm getting home schooled.

but magpapaalam pa ko sa canossa.

WHY I PREFERED TO BE HOME SCHOOLED:

1st

You'll learn so much more, it's just hard to focus when girls are giving you problems.

No one's talking about you behind your back.

It's definitely easier.

but I think it happens to all the other girls out there not just me,

because girls are just mean; & make big deals in small things

It doesn't happen with guys.

When I asked [my little cousin] Harvey, he was like,

'No, Guys don't care!'

well its kinda true.

2ND

....to find myself again, i'm having problems with myself.

and it's taking over me.

it's dominating my head all over again && i don't want to lose control.

Its so much more. but that's just for now..

Dealing with problems again & again is not working, its hard to handle their so called "GAME" when they can't even handle it. you'll just lose & lose all over again. they're too dumb to see the BIG PICTURE.

but then again THE WORLD IS FILLED WITH IDIOTS.

....not just because i'm home schooled now doesn't mean i'll have some coping issues,

but i don't know yet...

so...........

this is all for now.

i still have to go to the outside world.