Cause you've been nighttiming baby; It started to show and it's out of control.

SURVEY

[ ] I am a boy.
[x] I am a girl.
[x] I am shorter than 5’4.
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[x]I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I wear glasses. (sometimes)
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles

Family/Home Life
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[x] I’ve run away from home.
[x] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I’ve lost a child.

School/Work
[x] I’m in school
[ ] I have a job
[x] I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do/did my homework.
[x] I’ve missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I’ve been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[x] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I’ve stolen something from my job.

Embarrassment
[x] I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry. (classic ones only)
[x] I’ve peed from laughing.
[x] I’ve snorted while laughing. (everytime)
[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[x] I’ve glued my hand to something.
[x] I’ve had my pants rip in public

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment
[ ] I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I’ve broken a bone.
[ ] I’ve had my tonsils removed.
[x] I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[ ] I’ve had chicken pox.
[ ] I’ve had measles


Experiences
[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[x] I’ve wished on a shooting star
[ ] I’ve seen a meteor shower.
[x] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I’ve been to a casino.
[ ] I’ve been skydiving.
[x] I’ve gone skinny dipping.
[x] I’ve played spin the bottle. (duh. everyday at the canteen ;] )
[x] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I’ve crashed a car.
[ ] I’ve been skiing.
[x] I’ve been in a play.
[ ] I’ve met someone in person from Myspace.
[ ] I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I’ve seen the Northern lights.
[x] I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I’ve played chicken.
[x] I’ve played a prank on someone
[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I’ve eaten sushi.
[ ] I’ve been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I’m single
[ ] I’m in a relationship
[ ] I’m engaged.
[ ] I’m married.
[ ] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[ ] I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced.
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[x] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[ ] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
[ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I’ve been kissed in the rain. (I wish)
[ ] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve cheated on a test.
[ ] I’ve run a red light.
[x] I’ve been suspended from school.
[x] I’ve witnessed a crime.
[x] I’ve been in a fist fight.
[ ] I’ve been arrested.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs. (my dad)
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Nordstrom.
[x] I collect comic books. (but I have a collection..)
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[x] I can sing well. (use to)
[ ] I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I don’t kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I’m a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair
[ ] I have “x”s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day
[ ] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games. (back when)
[ ] I’m good at remembering names.
[ ] I’m good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.


Way to fill this boredom.

Amateurinbeingmature.

Today I was watching this clip of clothing line and I badly want to buy clothes today and some new pair of shoes. Then things popped inside my mind saying "Oh wait. I forgot. There's a storm toady" and "I need to save money for my room and the party that I will celebrate." and "Oh shit. I'm still hungry. I hope my moms gonna bring foods today."
I almost forgot that I need to save money because I'm trying to be organize and mature like I said, and this is harder than I thought. I was always use to; If I want something I'll just ask it to my mum; but right now I can't; My bedroom is now under construction and I need to save money for the blessing for it; which means I need to save all the money that my mum is giving to me everytime I go to school like every other normal teenagers and students do. I don't have a job, apparently & I'm still to young to have one, and what do i know? I don't even know how to wash the dishes or cook, Oh don't even get there. The point is: Yes, I still can get or shop some stuffs and get allowance from my mum like I always do but right now I'm trying to be a mature young lady for the future. I mean I'm already going to graduate (Class of '10). So even though It's a rough time; I'm still going to do this.

Ididntsaidyesyouforcedme.

:)

abouttodomyhairlater.

shouldn't I be studying for the test tomorrow?
errm.

Some days I love you, Others I want to stab you with my eyeliner.

Isn't it weird that I could just stare at this blog for a whole damn hour & still can't think of something to put in it? There are so many uttered words I need to scream but the words just won't come out. I've been thinking of so many things I need do say but they'restill not yet done; I just need some time to think. Give me a minute and let me take a big sigh.

Things that I've been thinking to do or say:

-I badly want to have a coffee today just to take this thing that keep on bugging me.

-Using big words in sentence doesn't mean your smart; It just show how ignorant you can be. div>

-I need to go and take my bike away with me today; maybe when the sun rise and listen to "Put your records on by Corine"

-Buy a new bag, high waste skirt, bracelets, ciggarettes, wide shirt screaming I love NY, tights, new rubber shoes, cool glasses & a flat iron.,

-Smoke this 2 vogue cigars lefy in my bag; but oh so afraid of losing my voice more.

-Finishing this new song I did called "I must do nothin" and add abit of piano middle way the ending of chorus and some ukulele and a tamborine.

-Thinking of kissing someone at the beach while taking a polaroid shot of it.

-Getting a Ramones shirt.

-About to study later for the big test tomorrow.(I know it's weird hearing me say that)

-Go and have a very nice nighttiming drive at the city lights while drinking this chamagne casanova.

-Buying a black bikini.

-Secret passion; Dancing.

-Get a dog.

-Get myself a new pair of pajamas for bed.

-Sleep tonight.

It's funny how I started as if I couldn't even type anything in here turns out into something. Just like in real life how I always think I couldn't say anything next thing I knew I've been blabbing all day that nobody listens to me anymore.

Walk around the house like a freakin' champion.

Sometimes I just can't explain how I really feel so I make videos; If I had a better digicam I'd probably document every single good & bad thing that happened in my life. I'm obviously being speechless at the moment & still can't believe that I'm about to go to college.
I'm about to spend the bestest time with them as possible and I have been trying to correct all the wrong things I've done from the start (It's not really that hard; if you really want it but sometimes it gets a little rough.)
I got 2 more days to study for the exam, and good lord! willgel has my glossary paper for physics and I have nothing to study so I'll start with other lessons. >__<




For the past 1 hour I've been listening to disney classic songs; try to listen to "We Are One by Lion King 2" please do. It's one captivating song, pure legend. It makes me feel so empowered and proud; it so powerful and yet peaceful at the same time. For some reason it reminds me of my dad. I wish disney will still release this kind of songs, movies. Disney is being selfish lately, there only using other's fame to make money and just make another lame movie like movies right now with popular celebrities in it.

Ergh. I just realize I'm a big sucker for disney classics. Probably because of remembering my childhood life.

Greatest Story Ever Told.

A video that I made for my friends; It took me 3 hours to upload it on youtube, but it got copyrighted. So I uploaded it on megavideo.

You guys were a big part of my journey.
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=ENORKQC9 <-- Link to the video if it's not workin.

Sept. 09 2009 "And I thank while I curse, My Saviour"

I cry; I've felt sad; I got "help". But its still there. I used to let everyone believe it's ok but it's not. It's a roller coaster. you slowly start to feel better and then all of a sudden you crash again... then it starts all over.
I have done too many scars; I know It will still heal, If i help myself but this time I just can't. It's been ALOT. I know I'm being selfish, but so are they. Nobody really knew what's going on in me, it's not about you, it's about ME. Nobody knows how I struggle everyday. I still can't explain it.
I've been here before and I've seen it all, I know it's going to cause too much misery but I guess misery and me just get along. I need to find myself for awhile, just give me a chance to do it.
They say they dont know when but I know a day is going to come. When there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun and it will just go black. It will just go back to the way it was before, and I need to find myself again to get to that door to see the life I use to live. You we're all a big part of my life, you were all important to me, but you just have to let this one go for a moment; I can't play and just pretend like everything's coming out naturally. I don't want to lie to everyone especially to myself.
If I keep going, the more It's never going to heal. I need to look for myself back where I started.
I know it's not right, to walk on the other direction but it's hard to change if I'm halfway through it.



"I don't want much, just to be free from this pain, this fear. I wish people didn't judge, I'm not 'weak'! I just can't 'pull myself together!' I wish it were that easy. I wish they understand, How it's hard to be me."