I cry; I've felt sad; I got "help". But its still there. I used to let everyone believe it's ok but it's not. It's a roller coaster. you slowly start to feel better and then all of a sudden you crash again... then it starts all over.
I have done too many scars; I know It will still heal, If i help myself but this time I just can't. It's been ALOT. I know I'm being selfish, but so are they. Nobody really knew what's going on in me, it's not about you, it's about ME. Nobody knows how I struggle everyday. I still can't explain it.
I've been here before and I've seen it all, I know it's going to cause too much misery but I guess misery and me just get along. I need to find myself for awhile, just give me a chance to do it.
They say they dont know when but I know a day is going to come. When there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun and it will just go black. It will just go back to the way it was before, and I need to find myself again to get to that door to see the life I use to live. You we're all a big part of my life, you were all important to me, but you just have to let this one go for a moment; I can't play and just pretend like everything's coming out naturally. I don't want to lie to everyone especially to myself.
If I keep going, the more It's never going to heal. I need to look for myself back where I started.
I know it's not right, to walk on the other direction but it's hard to change if I'm halfway through it.
"I don't want much, just to be free from this pain, this fear. I wish people didn't judge, I'm not 'weak'! I just can't 'pull myself together!' I wish it were that easy. I wish they understand, How it's hard to be me."
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